Kim Jong Il
Back in March two American journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, were seized on the North Korean border and charged with espionage. After being detained and found guilty it seemed as if the two women were going to have to settle into North Korean prison life for the long haul. However to everyone’s surprise North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has just issued a special pardon to the two journalists. This was all made possible by a surprise visit by one William Jefferson Clinton. The amazing thing about the visit is Clinton was able to secure the pardon within hours of arriving in Pyongyang. If this isn’t a clear example of Bill Clinton’s special baller status then I don’t know what is.
Now I’m an educated fellow, I know that there are other reasons besides Bill Clinton’s presence that contributed to Kim Jong-il deciding to pardon the two journalists. But let us pretend for a moment that the negotiations occurred as they would on South Park.
I want to know what Bill Clinton said to Kim Jong-il that caused one of the world’s more oppressive leaders to immediately issue a pardon for two individuals charged with espionage. Since I don’t have a transcript or recording of what was said I’m just going to use my imagination: